January 29, 2006

Today, I am 7.  :)

Let me explain...

I was 22 years old. I was a newlywed. I was fresh out of college and had only been at my job for 8 months. I didn't know my purpose in life. I was still struggling with anxiety and worry. And I was the new girl at lifegroup.  And that's where He found me...

I remember where I sat in Sarah's living room. I had my back to the front of the house. I was still getting to know all these new faces and still getting comfortable at our new church. Then, one of the more quiet girls named Mel (who seemed really nice and I'm pretty sure I thought she was awesome right away) shared her story. She talked about how she grew up a preacher's kid and had always tried to do the right thing and please her parents. She had acted like a Christian, knew how to talk like a Christian, and had gone through the motions of being a Christian. But one day in 2005, she realized she was NOT a Christian. She had known all about Jesus but had never begun a relationship with Him.

And that's when I heard Him for the first time in my life. It wasn't audible, but it felt more audible than any of the other voices in the room at that moment. So sweetly He told me, "Abby, I don't know you."

I had been struggling with doubt for as long as I could remember and especially as I had listened to other people's stories at church. What did these people mean when they said they thought they were a Christian but then discovered they were only playing the part? That verse in Matthew 7 had always been puzzling to me...

In just 5 words from Him, it was settled and He showed me that I had never given my heart to Him and had never received His grace and forgiveness for myself.

Oh sure, I had told Jesus I believed in Him, I had said all the right things, prayed the right prayers, read my bible, gone to bible studies, sang worship songs to Him, gone to church faithfully, etc, etc...

But I didn't do it to know HIM. I did it for acceptance, approval, and out of loneliness (but not the kind of loneliness that made me want God to fill the gaps.)

I wrestled with what to do with this new information! Do I interrupt lifegroup? Do I tuck it away until I can get home and talk to Josh? Choices, choices...

But Jesus loved me too much to let me wait very long. 

So upstairs in the purple room, on the comfy bed, my dear friend Danielle took a risk and asked me - "So what is your story Abby?"

She got an earful that she wasn't expecting!!  She took me by the hand and helped me run to my Savior. I finally understood that He only wanted me. Not anything I could ever do for Him. He didn't want me to keep rules or just be good, He wanted me to rest in His grace and love. And I accepted!  I traded all my good garbage and my stupid spiritual resume for His perfect record.

I had never known rest like that before. I could breathe. I saw the world in a new light. I saw people in a new light. But I mostly I saw the One who gave His life to rescue me just because He couldn't bear to be without me.

Make no mistake, I am still God's work in progress. And now that I have known Jesus and walked with Him for 7 amazing years - I can say that I have barely scratched the surface in understanding the depth of His love and His character. He is so much more than I ever could have realized, and I get to learn more and more about Him for the rest of my life until I get to see Him face to face in Heaven.

If you don't have a date like January 29, 2006 - please know that you can! And it would truly be my honor to help you get to Jesus when you are ready. You don't have to wait one more day to know Him for yourself!

We are not meant to be fuzzy on knowing the day that your life and eternity changed forever. It all happens in a moment, and it matters to remember that moment for the rest of your life. It is a way to always be reminded of the cross and the sacrifice that was paid for you, and to live a life of gratitude!

"God showed how much He loved us by sending His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." 1 John 4:9-10 NLT