How often do you forget where you have come from, what you have seen, who you used to be? I have an annoyingly good memory (usually, but mom-brain kicks in these days), so I feel like I am pretty good at remembering past experiences. But recently I had some sort of a wake up call. I'm sure you are tired of me mentioning the move and the transition (it's been about a year of the process now), but it is still front and center in my life - so just stinking bear with me.
There's so much transition that happens when you move to a different place. Life feels like it goes through different stages and you keep wondering when "normal" will become normal. News flash - still not there yet. But with each season and month it feels like maybe we are getting closer. At the same time it can feel so far away. I've been doing some reading and lots of thinking lately because quite honestly I have time to squeeze that in here and there with the kids around. I know, shocking. And that was when I realized something almost crazy to me...
I am living the life that I said I wanted 10+ years ago. I am living the life I dreamed of when I was just becoming an adult.
I'll just let that sink in for everyone for a minute. It took me a while to see it myself.
Granted, I didn't have huge dreams in life - I wanted a stay at home mom life where I could be there for my kids and take care of my family. Don't get me wrong, I believe that is an extremely noble and important undertaking. And for us that felt like a stretch back when Josh was in ministry - we didn't think we would ever be at a place financially where I could 100% not HAVE to work. But here we are. Here I am, the day in and day out of being Mama. The expectations of what needs to be done in a day are set by me. No boss to report to, no deadlines to meet. Just whatever I decide is important (besides keeping my family alive).
And you know what? It's hard. It's tiring. Sure it's fun! Oh my gosh I love these kids, even when they are driving me crazy with the crying and the questions every hot minute...but I don't think I had recently taken a moment to realize I reached where I had always dreamed of being.
So what's the next question then? The next question is: what is it that I want? I want a lot of random things, but what else do I want out of LIFE? I know, super huge question. I don't really have anything other than the answer I had 10 years ago. I want to be an awesome stay at home mom...but I also want a break now and then, I want to hang out with girlfriends and laugh and be silly, I want to have regular date nights with my husband, feel connected and rooted in the local church, I want to take a nice vacation every now and then, I want to read great books, eat awesome food, exercise regularly, invest in my family, make fun memories with my kids, visit cities I've never been to, grow my LimeLight business, write more blogs, discover new interests...the list goes on and on!
The fact of the matter is that even when you reach your "goal" you will still be looking for the next thing. I know that's a duh moment for everyone who will take the time to read this. We have all experienced this in some aspect of our lives, whether that is your career or your relationships or your weight-loss journey. But what do I intend to take away from this ah-ha moment? Well I'm going to actually appreciate it. I'm going to drink in all the wonderfulness that it is. I'm going to stop and smell the roses if you will.
Every day isn't sunshine and rainbows. We all know that. But I was not living each day with the GRATEFULNESS that I should have for getting to do what I have longed to do for so long.
I've decided I'm going to make the most of these days, because I can. Being a stay at home parent can become monotonous - but I'm not going to let it be that way if I can help it.
I don't know where you are at in terms of chasing your dreams or setting goals. I hope this little post helped in some way though - to help you see that when you get where you are going, remember to enjoy it (even though you will have already set your sights on the next thing). And if you aren't there yet, I hope you take a moment to appreciate where you already are - I guarantee it's further along than where you started and there are still milestones to celebrate.
Be grateful for the journey.
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